


so many stories of you

by fated_addiction



Category: K-pop, Real Person Fiction, 소녀시대 | Girls' Generation | SNSD
Genre: Angst, F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:35:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25225435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fated_addiction/pseuds/fated_addiction
Summary: "Have you watched it?"Or, Taeyeon has a YouTube problem.
Relationships: Jung Sooyeon | Jessica/Kim Taeyeon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 97





	so many stories of you

-

tiffany finishes the last of the wine.

“i'm going crazy,” she mutters. “someone needs to take away my access from amazon. i think i just bought another shower caddy.”

taeyeon rolls her eyes. she is out of beer. it might be a little after three am and really, there isn’t a point to going anywhere. she squints and studies the computer screen. the zoom call seems a little grainy too.

“you have a problem,” she says and tiffany snorts, tries to drink from her now empty glass. they could be drunk. taeyeon just can’t sleep. “what is this, number three?”

“two. i think i'll regift it to sooyoung as a pre-wedding gift wedding gift. so she can say look, my best friends got me a shower caddy. you should probably propose to me now so that we can bone in the same house.”

“ _bone_?”

tiffany laughs brightly. “just trying to channel you from long distance.” 

if they weren’t in the middle of a global pandemic, taeyeon would have still been committed to a california trip. or was it new york? she was supposed to meet tiffany somewhere in the middle of the summer, pretending to work on an album that she was half-excited for. maybe.

but she’s not and she and tiffany have a long standing zoom call. they get drunk, mostly. the other girls pop in and out. some of them busier than others. it's really not that exciting; she spends a lot of time watching tiffany buy books or looking into producing programs for her laptop since restrictions are incredibly tight and neither of them know what to do when they’re supposed to slow down or stay still.

“oh! i forgot to tell you!”

“you bought new wine glasses.”

“fuck you,” tiffany says dryly. she is typing into the screen. somewhere in the background, her dog barks. zero, next to her, grumbles in his sleep. but then she’s grinning and taeyeon tenses. either she’s really drunk or about to be really vindictive. or maybe it’s both. “jessica has a youtube channel,” she says.

so it’s both, taeyeon thinks. “i know,” she answers quickly. “i heard.”

“from who?”

“the internet.” taeyeon's voice is dry. “where i hear most things.”

“hm.” tiffany taps at her lip. “sure.”

taeyeon rolls her eyes. says nothing – there’s nothing to say as it is. it’s not like jessica’s name doesn’t come up in conversations anymore. she is a fully functioning brand. pops up in places that surprise taeyeon from time to time. some of the stylists use her. it’s careful and calculating move, she guesses.

but it’s more surprising that it’s taken her so long to do something like that. not that taeyeon thinks about those things. jessica, to taeyeon, or what taeyeon remembers, has always constructed some kind of image around herself only to project her privacy. it's something she’s always admired about her, envied even. it's like an armor. and sometimes it seems impenetrable.

“have you watched it?’

taeyeon only hesitates a little. “no,” she says.

so there is the lie.

a little confession:

she _has_ watched her videos. in fact, she’s a masochist, she _subscribes_. but then again so do thousands of others and she is sure that jessica and staff aren’t reading who is watching her.

there is a particular video that surprises her. that she won’t admit to watching twice. or three times. or four. because that’s bordering obsessive and she could probably pick something more romantic than a daily routine video. then again, here she is watching it a unknown number of times again.

“i sit up here alone sometimes,” jessica admits to the screen. then laughs at herself. she is pulling out snacks from a bag and something tugs at every single heart string taeyeon swears she has left. “to clear my head,” she adds. “i think –” she’s hesitant, “sometimes it’s good to sit here and have that time.” she’s grinning. “with snacks, of course.”

anyone who has ever known jessica knows how loaded that statement is. how much it carries, even if she doesn’t mean for it to carry anything. jessica is exactly that: someone who never makes a decision without purpose, carrying the consequences and benefits directly on her back.

it’s then, maybe after a couple more views, taeyeon makes a really dumb decision.

she comments.

(t * 15 minutes ago

looks like a really pretty place to sit in.)

“i don’t know how to feel.”

taeyeon doesn’t remember answering the phone. but she does. nor does she remember whether or not jessica laughs at her first, second, or last before there is an actual greeting between the two of them. instead, she thinks this is _really_ jessica’s voice and her heart does this heavy jump into her throat. something that feels way too familiar for a five second greeting.

“how did you know it was me?”

“just now,” jessica replies breezily. laughs too. she sounds sleepy and taeyeon blushes. “you’re the only one that made a comment on the scenery. it’s definitely your mo.”

“i hate you,” she mutters.

“i know you do.” it takes a minute for taeyeon to process her response. it feels a little shameful, but she doesn’t touch it. “but,” jessica says. “tiffany also told me that she talked to you about it.”

“she can’t keep her mouth shut.”

“of course not. but she also respects space.”

it all feels a little too loaded all of the sudden and taeyeon doesn’t have the balls to touch it. she probably won’t. maybe in therapy, miles down the road. it also feels a little redundant. and you can’t come back from being redundant.

“and quarantine has made everybody a little crazy,” taeyeon tries. like really tries. normal tastes a little funny. she can’t not say something stupid. it's just better than: here we go again, trying to talk like two adults.

“sure,” jessica agrees. “i'm alone a lot more.”

honestly, this all feels a little irresponsible. she tries not to read too much into it.

“on that rooftop?” taeyeon asks and _that_ is, like, totally irresponsible. she groans and tries to swallow it.

lucky for her, jessica just laughs.

“want to come see it?”

how they see each other is always conditional.

taeyeon knows things: sunny and jessica have a standing lunch. they're really good at it. it’s like a han river date, minus the water and the idol-like paparazzi shots. tiffany was the first to talk to her and it was gross and ugly – that’s a _direct_ quote. there are the others too, but none of them really talk about it. they are all busy trying to stay pieced together and the glossy likes of their social media platforms are just a thin thread.

so this isn’t the first time they are alone together. nor is it the first time taeyeon is filled with some kind of deep-seeded regret. she wears all black down to her lipstick, a baseball cap covering the choppy layers that are apparently a dead giveaway. this meeting isn’t contingent on some kind of publicity ploy but as she realizes that she’s stepped out just in front of jessica’s apartment door, it hits her like a brick just how much she’s really holding onto.

it's soojung that answers the door, a quick _hey unnie_ passing her mouth as she bounds off, away from her to the elevator. jessica appears too and there’s no time to process as she waves, annoyed, to her sister.

“swear to god,” she mutters. 

“are you fighting?”

jessica snorts. “no,” she says. “she has a schedule. just a little worried about the set – the oppa that is the photographer called me last night and told me he’s tweaking the number of staff as a precaution.”

“she’ll be okay,” taeyeon offers awkwardly.

jessica finally turns to greet her and the change in expression is nearly drastic. she goes from confusion to delighted amusement way too fast.

“you’re wearing a lot of black,” she greets. grabs a bag by the door and a sweater.

taeyeon shrugs. “i like black.”

in contrast, jessica is light and airy. blue jeans, her hair swept back into a neat ponytail and a cream colored t-shirt that makes her look like she just walked off a candid shot.

“we’re going to the roof,” she says too. like an announcement. grabs taeyeon’s arm like her bag and drags her to the elevator. “no one’s up there anymore because the weather’s been a little wacky.”

“do you go up there a lot?”

“are you interviewing me?” jessica shoots back.

“no.” taeyeon rolls her eyes. she pulls back her arm. and this, she thinks, is why they go through long periods of not talking to each other. or finishing anything that they’ve had to say. “i'm just curious,” she mutters.

and that’s that.

another confession:

she is not in love with jessica. she could be. she might have at one point. there's nothing linear to this and for that reason, taeyeon has no idea who to blame.

their first conversation, years after the big fallout, went a little something like this – jessica, resounding, stood as tall as she could, a fiery expression. “at some point,” she had said, “i was going to have to learn how to stand by myself, for myself. and all of you were hypocrites, trying to call me out when each of you had the desire to do the same, whether you were willing to or not. i never said i didn’t love any of you. you all decided that for me. that might have been the worst part of all this. and definitely sealed the deal.”

taeyeon had nothing to say, even then.

in those moments, jessica had the uncanny ability to be right about everything.

there isn’t anything spectacular about the view.

it's the city, wide and vast. at night, taeyeon thinks, all the lights twinkle and probably look like a moment out of a drama. which is jessica’s thing, she guesses. but what it is, it’s peaceful and the empty tables and chairs encourage a slight breeze as jessica bustles around, setting up her snack hour.

this is the last place she expects, she thinks. maybe that’s the surprise.

“can i help?” she asks and means it.

jessica sits first and shrugs. “i'm done,” she says. pulls her legs over the chair. “eat,” she says too. “the crackers and cheese are really good.”

taeyeon takes the knife from her, spreading cheese on a cracker as jessica sips from her water. they descend into some kind of silence, nothing of which is a surprise. it's just who they’ve been for the last couple of years.

so she looks around instead. imagines jessica like the video, the grainy footage of her talking to herself about how important quiet time is. it’s not unlike her; they’re just getting older. taeyeon can attest to that part too.

“i guess this just surprises me.”

jessica looks up, confused.

“i don’t know,” she continues. “it’s just a weird time. i think i'm just paying attention more to the people around me – i mean, i guess, to people in general. so this…” she trails off, jerking her hand around the rooftop. “you surprise me, i guess.”

“it would be a lie to say i've always been like this. all the way, you know. but there are parts of me that have always been like this. especially those last couple of years when we really stopped talking to each other.”

taeyeon flinches. jessica doesn’t look away. conflict resolution has never been their strongest suit.

“i'm not trying to call you out,” jessica says gently.

“i know. still doesn’t make it any easier to hear.”

“and yet you’re the one that watched my youtube channel.”

“i'm a subscriber,” she admits, out loud. jessica laughs delightedly. “what?” taeyeon grouses, her face hot. “might as well come clean.”

“i can’t stand you.”

“liar.”

doesn't matter who says what. but it’s all true. taeyeon can almost see tiffany somewhere, in the distance, throwing her hands up and yelling _i fucking told you both_ because she is literally ready to take credit for all the reunions she can. it's just what she does.

but she does reach across the table. her chair moans and scrapes as it moves too. jessica's knees are suddenly pressed under her chin and whoa, whoa, _whoa_ how did she get to be this close. taeyeon feels her heart ready to bust out of her chest and her ears are ringing with blame. try and be a little braver, she doesn’t tell herself. she’s not drunk on zoom. it's real life.

then jessica pulls off her baseball cap. flicks her fingers against taeyeon’s forehead with barely any force. taeyeon wrinkles her nose.

“tiffany is going to accuse me of sleeping with you,” jessica teases. her voice is soft and husky. there's no rhyme or reason. she just puts it out there, between them, because this is how it usually goes between them.

taeyeon's teeth jut over her lip. “we can,” she murmurs. her stomach sinks and her face feels hot again. “it’s 2020 and the world’s already a mess. why not make it somewhat interesting.”

“what a pickup line.” jessica laughs. “almost had me.”

“almost?”

this is so messy, taeyeon thinks. then panics because jessica just stops. the food is forgotten. even the little journal that taeyeon saw in the video, just by jessica’s elbow. that she might have been ready to steal, pick up, and read. she's just not an asshole. yet.

but suddenly, that goes all out the window.

jessica leans into her knees, halfway meeting taeyeon and just presses an open-mouthed kiss to her lips. they left chaste along time ago: taeyeon’s mouth is already wet and open. it’s not the kiss she expects, but it’s heavy enough that she feels every crevice of jessica’s mouth, the way her tongue just lines her bottom lip, then slides over hers. taeyeon tastes her own moan and then pushes back with her teeth, biting down at jessica’s lip.

she feels like she’s going to burst, over and over again. this isn’t supposed to happen. this is happening. she writes and sings love songs for a living, really _good_ love songs, but in the end, none of this makes any sense to her.

taeyeon does break away first, then presses her mouth to jessica’s throat. bites a little at the long slope of skin near her throat. jessica makes a sound and taeyeon makes sure she feels her grin. maybe it’s spiteful. maybe it’s not.

“let’s just eat,” taeyeon says. her voice is scratchy. but her fingers curl over jessica’s knee to stay there. “i guess i'm hungry after all.”

that might have been the truth.

“i did something stupid,” taeyeon announces, weeks later on drunk zoom. “like really stupid, but i guess it’s done.”

tiffany buys an air fryer and sooyoung is apparently late to their call. there's commotion because they all have dogs and sunny is busy watching footage of yuri’s cooking show, not the recent episode but the one before. no one acknowledges her comment. it's not like they have to.

maybe she just had to say it out loud.

this isn’t done.

**Author's Note:**

> \- Inspired by Jessica's YouTube channel which, if anything, is such a delight and endless source of entertainment. Was also inspired by Taeyeon's recent look/selca.
> 
> \- This was written on an iPhone because work has been insane and I needed something to distract me a little bit while on break. I know it's been awhile, guys, so I'm trying to dust myself off again. I hope that you enjoyed reading!


End file.
